Many years before I got together with my boyfriend, I had a sex thing with this guy that I thought was relationship-material. He not only had an amazing body but a great personality as well. I was honest when I met him that I was looking for something more than just sex, and he led me to believe that was what he wanted, too. Between having mind-blowing sex, we ordered in, played video games, and watched movies, couple-y type things but without the label. But when I tried to get him to go to a show or out to dinner with me, he refused. My frustration grew as the months went on, and one day I confronted him.

Originally published on Persephone Magazine. When I met my current partner a year ago, I was at my fattest, about pounds heavier than he is, making our sex the most drastic in terms of size difference relative to my past partners. Please note: Fat sex is a very big issue heh. Because my area of expertise is limited to sex with size difference as a woman with a vagina, I chose not to explore other areas of fat sex, such as the mechanics of two fat people having sex or trans fat sex for women without vaginas.

I was 16, a size 14 and it was —long before body positivity hit the mainstream or my Tumblr feed. Now, as a year-old woman wearing a size 20, sex has changed year after year as my body has gotten bigger and the dating pool has gotten smaller. Before fucking someone new, I feel the need to address my fatness before we meet. I think this is what some guys were hoping would happen too. Avoiding belly touching makes it all the more obvious that the belly is there.

My mam has always wished she could be as skinny as she was the first time she thought she was fat - and I often wish the same for my sex life. Not necessarily that I wish I was skinny as I was when I first started banging, but I wonder how my sex life would differ if I'd stayed as thin as I was then. My first five fuck buddies, when I was 16 and a size 14, only banged me if I was fully dressed or off my face. These guys were not at the same time, but in quick succession, because as much as I hated my body back then, I have always adored getting railed. What these men did have in common, however, was their own slimness, or the kind of weight that was deemed acceptable on a guy but never a girl and not even a teenage girl from a fat family with an eating disorder to boot.